sometimes i wonder

sometimes i wonder if i was a serial killer in my past life that led to me leading such a living in this life

i guess i was a serial killer who does charity work every week

i really dunno what i did to deserve this kind of drama happening to me

i guess no one will actually believe what i said or would actually believe that i grew up in this kind of family, with this kind of family members

i tot, i really tot, life was beginning to get better

but it turned worse

i live in this constant fear, not knowing what will happen to my family tomorrow

will they go out and get themselves into trouble under the influence of alcohol again?

will they safe and sound?

when will they ever grow up (not physically, but mentally) and start to think about their lives?

do they ever spare any thoughts for me?

did they ever thought of how i feel?

or rather, did they ever care about how i feel?

i know i have no choice as to who is my family

and i am also actually beginning to accept the fact/fate that i AM in this family

and that this IS my family

and that i surely LOVE my family

but why can't all the trouble just leave my family ALONE?

i am really sick and tired of all these

now, i am faced with a problem that no one even he himself can solve, i dont know what can be done to rectify this

it is not within my means to rectify it

if there is a solution to the problem

i guess things wont turn into this state

now i know,

money is not the solution to everything

but things/problems can be made simpler with money

perhaps money can reduce the effects/consequences of the said problem

and perhaps authority can help too

but what can u do when u have none of the money and authority?

does it mean everything has to come to an end?

what is an end?

who calls it an end?

does running away helps?

does MIA helps?

have u thought of the consequences that others have to bear when u go MIA?

oh my

i cant seem to finish this post if i go on like this

i have to stop.

PRAY FOR ME.

I NEEDS LOTSA FAITH.