move on

forget all the unhappiness, MOVE ON.

祸不单行

i only have a sentence to say:

My FRIDAYS are CURSED.

sometimes i wonder

sometimes i wonder if i was a serial killer in my past life that led to me leading such a living in this life

i guess i was a serial killer who does charity work every week

i really dunno what i did to deserve this kind of drama happening to me

i guess no one will actually believe what i said or would actually believe that i grew up in this kind of family, with this kind of family members

i tot, i really tot, life was beginning to get better

but it turned worse

i live in this constant fear, not knowing what will happen to my family tomorrow

will they go out and get themselves into trouble under the influence of alcohol again?

will they safe and sound?

when will they ever grow up (not physically, but mentally) and start to think about their lives?

do they ever spare any thoughts for me?

did they ever thought of how i feel?

or rather, did they ever care about how i feel?

i know i have no choice as to who is my family

and i am also actually beginning to accept the fact/fate that i AM in this family

and that this IS my family

and that i surely LOVE my family

but why can't all the trouble just leave my family ALONE?

i am really sick and tired of all these

now, i am faced with a problem that no one even he himself can solve, i dont know what can be done to rectify this

it is not within my means to rectify it

if there is a solution to the problem

i guess things wont turn into this state

now i know,

money is not the solution to everything

but things/problems can be made simpler with money

perhaps money can reduce the effects/consequences of the said problem

and perhaps authority can help too

but what can u do when u have none of the money and authority?

does it mean everything has to come to an end?

what is an end?

who calls it an end?

does running away helps?

does MIA helps?

have u thought of the consequences that others have to bear when u go MIA?

oh my

i cant seem to finish this post if i go on like this

i have to stop.

PRAY FOR ME.

I NEEDS LOTSA FAITH.

SUPER DUPER BUSY

i cant rmb the last time i was so so busy

and i also couldnt rmb the last time i so much wanted to do well in a module.

maybe that's my first, and thus, my enthusiasm.

2 projects + 1 written exam.

all within 5 weeks.

WTH.

minus 1 week cos i will be away in taiwan.

but i will bring my laptop along.

cos need to finish my projects that are due on 20 n 22 oct.

and i will be traveling from 14-20 oct.

tts not very nice.

hey guys, dun miss me too much

i will be more human come end nov.

till then, love ya.

BACK TO SCHOOL

its been a crazy crazy week(s) for me....

i finally started my school.

every tue and thu, 19-22hrs.

for the 1st 2 lectures, i reached home ard 12midnight.

i cant imagine myself doing this for another 1.5 yrs.

but i guess i just have to endure it. cos i really cant afford cabbing back from clementi twice a week.

work is getting more n more hectic and the school is also taking its toll on me.

i wonder how long more can i sustain.

this is just the beginning!!

1st lecture: GROUP PROJECT - INTEGRATED TV/PRINT/RADIO/INTERNET CAMPAIGN (DUE:20 OCT)

2nd lecure: SOLO PROJECT - 20 page STRATEGIC COMMUNICATIONS PLAN
(DUE:22 OCT)

how irritating can projects be? esp. when i will be out of town from 14-20 Oct. This leaves me with less than 3 weeks to complete the above.

I have been brainstorming for my solo project idea since thur (or should i say the moment the lecturer announced the assignment?) and after 48 hours, i am still in the process of brainstorming. I just couldn't decide on a topic!!!!

god bless me. i need to decide on a topic by tonight so that i can start working on it! in jesus name i pray, AMEN.

here i am on a saturday night, poo-ing out all my complaints (at the same time brainstorming for project ideas).

i am slowing visioning myself becoming a no-life person. NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!
NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!
NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!
NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!
NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!
NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!
NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

五月天-突然好想你

作曲:阿信
填词:阿信

最怕空气突然安静

最怕朋友突然的关心

最怕回忆突然翻滚 绞痛着不平息

最怕突然听到你的消息

想念如果会有声音

不愿那是悲伤的哭泣

事到如今

终於让自已属於我自已

只剩眼泪还骗不过自己



突然好想你

你会在哪里

过的快乐或委屈

突然好想你

突然锋利的回忆

突然模糊的眼睛


我们像一首最美丽的歌曲

变成两部悲伤的电影

为什麽你带我走过最难忘的旅行

然后留下最痛的纪念品

我们那麽甜那麽美

那麽相信

那麽疯那麽热烈的曾经

为何我们

还是要奔向各自的幸福

和遗憾中老去



突然好想你

你会在哪里

过的快乐或委屈

突然好想你

突然锋利的回忆

突然模糊的眼睛



最怕空气突然安静

最怕朋友突然的关心

最怕回忆突然翻滚

绞痛着不平息

最怕突然听到你的消息

最怕此生已经决定自己过

没有你却又突然

听到你的消息

开始懂了

曲:李偲菘
词:姚若龙

我竟然没有调头

最残忍那一刻

静静看你走

一点都不像我


原来人会变得温柔

是透澈的懂了

爱情是流动的

不由人的

何必激动着要理由


相信你只是怕伤害我

不是骗我

很爱过谁会舍得

把我的梦摇醒了

宣布幸福不会来了

用心酸微笑去原谅了

也翻越了

有昨天还是好的

但明天是自己的

开始懂了

快乐是选择

gloomy monday

i actually have a lot to write before i logged into this page. but when the page appears in front of me, i became speechless. as in not literally, but mentally speechless.

i have already drafted out the whole blog post when i was still lying on the bed a few mins back...

but it seems to me that i can never do something systematically. i am forever the impromptu type of person.


while lying sleeping in just now, i was thinking back into my life.

den i realised, i wasnt that happy of a kid at all.

our family is not the well to do type, dun even need to say rich. we're constantly in debts, be it the utilities or the house mortgage, or the misc fees, or even the telephone lines. i used to be on standby, as in you dunno when ur house will be totally electricity-less and water-less.

i live in constant fear. my dad will always turn crazy and super irritating when he comes home drank when i was small. and at that time, there was nothing i could do. i either sleep or cry.

i have an equally crazy brother, forever in trouble and not loving himself at all. led astray by all his hooligan friends.

In my childhood memory, i can only rmb that my mum was always there for me. most of the time, my dad and bro are always not there. my dad is always out with another woman and my bro is in and out of prison.

but during my upper pri school after my ah ma and ah gong passed away, things changed.

slowly, my parents are divorced, my bro still constantly in and out of prison,but most of the time inside...

i felt happy. i am happy with only me and my mum.

i had peaceful nights. i wished that this will go on...

but of cos reality isn't always like the picture we painted.

i have people splashing paint over out door, ppl knocking and threatening us, all these became so common that i have became immuned to it.

we were forced to move house... i did not know how my mum survived through all this, and still having to support me throughout that period.

i was happy for a moment. until my bro and my father creeped back into my life.

i am sad to say, but they are kind of uninvited in my supposedly happy life.

i do not blame my family for not being rich, but i do blame them for not giving me a happy family.

i see no reason for someone to live unhappily in a family.

i have an almost useless dad, who bumps into our house, after divorced from my mum, and just stayed like tat. you'll still need to pay rent even if staying in a hotel.

he only pays half of the utilities bills. WTF. and that is after i chased after him for a month before he will hand over the previous mth's money to me.

i have an equally not that useful bro. he is constantly blaming people that we brought him to where he is today. he is constantly blaming and angry at my mum and dad which i dunno why. he is the one who brought things upon himself, no one is to blame.

he just slacks around and do nothing. even if he does, its all illegal stuff. i hate this side of him.

if he want, just blame himself for not being able to stand up on his own. its his own choice and no one can help him.

he still hasn't understand the fact that he has a son to take care of, and he just relies on my mum. look, my mum is sick and has no source of income, but yet, she is always paying for anders' milk.

sometimes, i felt so useless, like i cant help my family. ok, i admit, sometimes, i just turn a blind eye to everything that is happening cos i know i cant be of much effect.

sometimes, i wonder what is my existence in this world for? to endure all the shit that my family has to bring upon me?

sometimes, i just wanna fly off and leave everything behind. ok, i will bring alone my mum n anders cos they are innocent to some extent.

ppl will always think that how come i've got no money and yet i have to travel so much.

i guess the trips are the only things that can keep me sane in this crazy world.

i am constantly looking for a chance to escape from my own life.

only when i am away from singapore, i feel that i am lifted from all burdens, even so for only a few days.

i hate myself for spending money on travel too, but i felt i have to do that.

i can't stand living in a family like this.

i can smile and laugh outside, but who knows who i am when i'm at home?

i have a school loan that i've yet to repay and now i have to get another loan, and now i can't even get a guarantor.

yes. sometimes, life is unfair. and god, u are real unfair to me.

12345678910

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bTJ75lXnVw

just for some laughs...

九把刀 - 爱情两好三坏

刚刚到图书馆去renew了我上次借的九把刀小说。。

爱情两好三坏。。

里头有几句话，我觉得很值得和大家分享：

也许，人生也该这样面对吧。

不管来的是好球，是坏球，手都一定要抓紧棒子，用无畏的勇气与球对决。

挥空几次，都没关系。

我真的觉得九把刀写的真好。。因为，人生本来就会遇到很多开心与不开心的事，但只要咬紧牙关勇敢的面对，我相信一切都会过去的。。

So, have some faith and face everything with courage and things will all be fine.

I am piling up on my faith now.

Till then...

Cheerios.

怪怪的。。

不知为什么，今天就觉得怪怪的。。

身旁的人怪怪的。搞得我也怪怪的。。

哈哈。。忽然好想写一首歌名，歌名就叫《怪怪的》。。

我发现原来我是个说谎超容易被抓包的人。。觉得自己超没用的！

心超软，有不会说骗话，还我今天一整天都为了这件事烦。。。

最近工作还算蛮轻松的。。所以每天上班都懒洋洋的了。。我已经连续几天都迟起然后搭的士。。

真是不因该呀。。

同事有买了东西给DERDER。。看他爱不释手的嘞。。








明天不用上班真开心。。不过有好多地方要去哦。。没想到我除了工作和娱乐，竟然还有别的事要办，这时，我觉得我长大了，开始要过着所谓“大人”的人生了。。。


有点累了。。看完michael jackson的memorial live telecast就要去睡觉了。。终于。。。

晚安啦大家。。。 =)

下次再见。。。

TODAY

i hope everyday can be like today. peaceful. at least up till now it is peaceful.

can i lead a peaceful life?

i hope i can.

and i would love to think that i am able to.

of cos with the help and cooperation of my loved ones.

希望今天会更好

今天一定要更好。。

260609

雨天

下班

搭地铁

到图书馆

还书

借书

买菜

搭巴士

下车

回家

洗澡

吃饭

看电视

上网

写 blog

就这样，又过了一个夜晚。

忽然想起孙燕姿的两首歌“《星期一，天气晴，我离开你》 & 《雨天》
才发现原来孙燕姿好喜欢用天气来当歌名。。
还有天黑黑和坏天气。。而且歌都好好听哦。。。

昨晚失眠了。害得我一整天在公司里都好没工作的feel。。。
刚才下班后又到图书馆去借了几本小说。。。
橘子和九把刀。。 最近迷上了他们俩的作品。。
昨晚还因为失眠就索性地把一整本橘子的小说快速的把它给看完了。。。
还真觉得自己十分不可思议。。
就如今天我所说的。。
只要我想做的，没什么东西可以阻止得了我的毅力。。
这就是我少数极像处女座的特征。。

好久没PO照片上blog了。。今天就PO一PO吧!

MEGAN FOX IS HOT!

DAMN, MEGAN FOX IS DAMN HOT. YES. EVEN WOMEN THINKS THAT SHE IS HOT.

Yippie! It's RED!!!

i just got my first birthday present for this year.. my long awaited CANON IXUS 100IS in bright red!!! keke... it comes complete with a 8gb sd card and screen protector.. plus lens cleaner somemore!!!

happy happy happy...

How happy can i get??? there's still another 3 months to my birthday and here i am with my first pressie... and, dun stop! pls keep the pressies coming in.. haha!!!

i can now take beautiful pics with my new canon baby!

been watching the ads on peak hour tv spots everynight and here i am holding it in my dear hands.

they have been discussing "softly" (i wrote "softly" cos they thought they are soft but i could actually know what they are up to, who ask me to be so smart!) in the office whether to pass me the pressie now or wait until september. haha.. and they simply culdn't wait! haha...

i knew they are up to something! and carol already dropped hints yday during our charity work...

while, i dropped more hints... i have been telling them my bday is coming!! haha... and of cos they know what i want...

i shall start charging my camera now and start playing with my new toy tmr!!! =)

cant wait!!! my canon baby... i shall name it... Will disclose its name when it is official. =)

thank you all dearies at work for this wonderful pressie... =) love it to bits!!!

GIVE A HOPE

Went to do some charity work called "GIVE A HOPE" this morning... not a very fruitful one, but at least i made my first step in helping to make this world a better one. Not as in how obama does it, but how little things make the world a better one...

woke up early ard 7 plus in the morning to make my way to mediacorp to meetup with the rest to get to boon lay. Pooling in for a transport together is so much cheaper den each of us taking a cab to the ulu paliah boon lay cc. haha... well, i was nvr a west person, so anywhere beyond north and orchard sounds ulu paliah to me..

some of us prepared meals, some of us (like me) got no money and no expertise, can only contribute the coolie side of us.. haha!

we gathered at boon lay cc, divided the students up into groups and each group was given 4 families to visit...

according to the grc, the families that we'll be visiting are supposed to be one of the poorest and needy... the first family we went to was quite erm... "inspirational"???

This family consists of an old couple, think they're in their late 60s or 70s.. a 32 yr old daughter and a 30 yr old son with down syndrome...

Their house is in a mess, the 30 yr old son look like a 15 yr old kid sleeping alone in the room. the old lady could not walk and was just hospitalised recently, the old man had arthritis and could not walk properly, and even so, he did not seek medical treatment as he knows it is costly. The son could not even take care of himself.

When we went into the house, the old man greeted us with so much enthusiasm. He was so cheerful and even sang songs and told us stories. One of our aims today is to find out their needs and wishes. When we asked the old couple abt their wish, the old man said, "i wish to have a job, so that i can help out my daughter who is working so hard to support the whole family and still have to take care of the mother's hospital bills." This old man who could not even walk properly has only one wish, to get a job so that he can help support the family.

I felt so minute when i heard that coming out from his mouth. We young and healthy people are all complaining about our jobs and how complaining on how low our wages are, while, the old man's only wish is to get a job to help support the family.

i used to think that why is god so unfair to me? why do i have to support my family at this age when the rest of my peers are happily studying or working for their own while i have such burdens to carry on my shoulders? but when i see this family, i know i am not at all such poor thing. I am fortunate than a lot a lot of other people living around us, just that we don't get to see them.

its kind of a wake up call to me. waking me up to see how fortunate i am and how i can help the needy.

There is this other family whereby there's a 36 yr old son and a less-than-60yr old mother.

once i walk closer to the unit, we looked at each other, thinking if we got the wrong unit. the house looks ok. the people inside looks normal. they have wireless internet connection, the latest acer netbook (trust me, i just been to the pc show, it is the latest blue colour acer netbook), they have a 29 inch tv too... my mind was thinking, omg, i think this family is more well off than my family...

Later in the conversation, the guy told us that he earned 2850 per month. WTF! i dun even earn that much! in the case, i think i can qualify as the needy too! And the person even rented out one of his rooms to some workers and is collecting rent every month. WTF REALLY WTF... he really made me want to curse and swear...

and they just sold their apartment for 180k cash payout into the mum's cpf which she can already withdraw out... more WTF...

and now he is complaining that hdb dun grant him any loan cos he does not have cpf contribution as he is a contract worker. saying he is an ex bankruptcy, a yellow ribbon ex offender... WTF... He is trying to tell us to appeal for the hdb loan cos he has to hand over his key by july 21.. WTF. who on earth ask you to sell your flat? and u're earning so much per month, your mum gets monthly payouts from cpf, and you are here talking cock??? the mere mention of this guy makes me boil.. really CMI....

anyways, today is the last day of holidays... i'm glad that i ended it on a meaningful note.

till then, cheerios...

回来啦。。

短暂的9天假期就要到尾声了。。

怎么那么快啊？

holiday的第一天我就带着derder到vivocity支持jeff的小型签唱会。。

然后，礼拜天就到了pc show晃一晃。。

礼拜一就出发到KL去！！还没出门就已经开始想念起derder了。。。

摇了快5个小时，终于到了KL。。

开始了3天2夜的KL之旅。。

吃了超好吃的烤鸡翅。。

唱了超便宜的KTV。。

也读了一本超好读的小说。。

这是我第一次看完一整本小说，中文小说。。

我觉得我超厉害的叻！

我读的是橘子的小说。。是我礼拜天在kino时好不容易才选出的一本。。因为感觉每本都好像好好读哦。。

我的那本是名：你的爱情，我在对面。。。

书的封面写着：

在爱情与友情之间，有种东西叫作暧昧；

在幸福与两难之间，有种东西叫作成全。

爱你，不为难你，只守护你。

于是，你的爱情，我在对面。

~~

有空的话，不妨可以看一看。。 故事不错哦！

哦。。我也读了九把刀的月老。。 也不错哦！！

累了。。明天还要上班。。

cya!

ITS DA BEGINNING OF DA HOLIDAYS~~~~

OK. i really feel like a secondary school student looking forward to the mid/end year holidays.. feel so excited. our dear mediacorp is officially closed for a week! how happy can we get?

coaching off to KL on monday, spending 1.5days there and coming back to sin on wed. well, i do deserve a short getaway dun i? coach tics and hotel are darn cheap. u cant believe wat bargains i got. will blog more abt the trip when i get back...

well still fresh in my memory, let me talk abt e movie tt i just finished watch less den 30 mins ago...

its been such long time tt i went movie-ing @ yishun 10 (omg, yishun10 sounds so old skool to me now, guess i've really aged) i could still rmb meeting wei almost every fri night for midnight movies @ yishun10, i really dunno where the money came from to watch all those movies, maybe movies then aint tt ex as compared to now...

its all dejavu.. and god, yishun10 looks exactly the same. and i'm actually so happi tt i din see any blanglas watching indian shows... keke..

back to the movie.

me n anji caught the "ghosts of girlfriend's past" (http://www.ghostsofgirlfriendspastmovie.com//)..

ok, whoever knows me knows tt i'm a sucker for chick flicks.. yup, up till now when i'm turning 24 this year, yes, i still adore chick flicks and swooning over the hot male leads. yup, n the best thing abt chick flicks is tt out of 100, 99 male leads are smoking hot...

well, the ghosts aint scary at all, ok, this show wasnt meant to be scary in the 1st place... i actually found e first ghost cute... its this 16 yr old ghost wearing the 80s clothes and sporting braces and tying scrugies on her hair. she is hilarious.

Jennifer Garner doesnt look like a mother of 2 at all and Matthew McConaughey looks just as hot as he is in his previous movie ("failure to launch" with sarah jessica parker i think) tt i rmb him in. in fact, i tot he look hotter over the years. hollywood stars nvr seem to age a single day. unfair isnt it?

so this movie's abt the guy been brought to revisit his past by the 3 ghosts in a night and over night, he changed into a different person..

how good if i can revisit the past too. i would love to rmb teenie weenie bits of my life and perhaps, maybe i would have tried to kept in contact with some of those who made up my past.

this guy realises that he is still and very deeply in love with his very very first love, and because of some stupid reasons, he gave up on the r/s. well, i tot that movie ended quite fast, as in, the ending is very abrupt. i tot the story can be done into a series. i think 101 mins really aint enough to plot the whole story... =)

but overall, its a pretty decent and good chick flick. nice for a movie outing with galfriends... =)

am pretty tired. shall talk again.. =)

oh, btw, i love watching derder sleep...

Happiness

Sometimes, one can find happiness in the most simplest things.

i feel happy when i see my mum carrying derder by the window waving goodbye to me when i go off to work.

i feel happy when my colleague tell me a very cold joke.

i feel happy when my friend text me out of the sudden to say that she/he misses me.

i feel happy that i hear people saying that my artistes' acting/hosting improved.

i feel happy when the i know that the pay is coming out in a day's time.

i feel happy when i buy a new top/bottom.

i feel happy when i see my frens happily in love.

i feel happy when i know that someone is there waiting for me at home. Be it my mum or derder.

i feel happy seeing derder play and laugh loudly.

i feel happy when my boss says: well done, veron.

i feel happy when my artistes say: thanks! veron.

i realised i can find happiness in the most simplest thing around me.

how abt you?

Happiness lies in your own hands. Only when u put down ur expectations, you will realise that you live in a much more happier world than you think you live in.

Put a smile on and people will put a smile upon you.

Life isn't all about chasing after happiness. Once you realised that, happiness will be chasing after you.

I am just being emo once again.. haha...

情歌

礼拜一刚看完败犬女王，看了非常有感触，怎么我有个预感我也会变成败犬呢？

这是败犬女王的插曲之一。。

总觉得一首歌，除了要有优美的旋律，动人的歌词也是关键之一。。

我最喜欢这两句：


命运好幽默让爱的人都沉默
一整个宇宙换一颗红豆


如果大家有空就去听一听吧！！！






梁静茹-情歌


专辑:静茹 情歌-别再为他流泪

习惯是琥珀泪一滴滴被反锁
情书在不朽淹没成沙漏

青春的上游白云飞走藏够雨还有
闪过的念头潺潺地流走
命运好幽默让爱的人都沉默
一整个宇宙换一颗红豆

回忆如困兽
寂寞太久而渐渐温柔
放开了拳头反而更自由

慢动作千卷胶卷重播默片
定格一瞬间

我们在告别的演唱会
说好不再见
你写给我我的第一首歌
你和我十指紧扣
默协前奏
可是呢然后呢
还好我又握着一首情歌
轻轻地轻轻哼着哭着笑着
我的天长地久
命运好幽默让爱的人都沉默
一整个宇宙换一颗红豆

回忆如困兽
寂寞太久而渐渐温柔
放开了拳头反而更自由

长镜头越来越远越来越远
时隔好几年
我们在怀念的演唱会
礼貌地吻别

你写给我
我的第一首歌
你和我十指紧扣
默协前奏
可是呢然后呢
还好我又握着一首情歌
轻轻地轻轻哼着哭着笑着
我的天长地久

陪我唱歌清唱你的情歌
舍不得短短副歌
心还热着也该告一段落
还好我又握下一首情歌
是你宛如轻轻的像涌的河
永远天长地久

I-C-U

i was in icu for the previous months and god, let me tell u, icu was no fun. i was literally on life support. give me a miracle. i will be temporary out of icu in a few days time and after another few days, i'll go back there... i guessed icu has fallen for me tt it wanted me so badly tt i can hardly resist.

pardon me, just verbal vomitting.

btw, i just spent my night @ the museum. i felt antique.

till then, cheerios

HOW TO ANSWER A SUPER KPOH CABBIE

i was reading cecelia ahern's thanks for the memories when there is this line.

"the driver smiles @ him in the mirror as though he's trying to fool him "So what do you do in London?' His eyes interrogate him.

" I'M A SERIAL KILLER WHO PREYS ON INQUISITIVE CAB DRIVERS"

i think this is a good answer. i shall say that to the kpoh cabbies who kept talking and asking what you do for a living when actually what we do is none of his/her business at all.

NOSTALGIA

普通朋友


作词:陶喆 作曲:陶喆


等待 我随时随地在等待

做你感情上的依赖

我没有任何的疑问

这是爱

我猜 你早就想要说明白

我觉得自己好失败

从天堂掉落到深渊

多无奈

我愿意改变(what can I do)

重新再来一遍(just give me chance)

我无法只是普通朋友

感情已那么深

叫我怎么能放手

但你说

I only wanna be your friend

做个朋友

我在你心中只是just a friend

不是情人

我感激你对我这样的坦白

但我给你的爱暂时收不回来

So I

我不能只是be your friend

I just can't be your friend

no,no,no,

我不能只是做你的朋友

不能只是做普通朋友

Missing Him

I cant believe tt i am already starting to miss him.

i tot that i can hold back my tears this morning when the sentence was announced.

i tot i was brave enough to go thru tt.

i have nvr been thru tt.

but those who knew me will know that i am a crybaby.

i cry @ the slightest thing.

i cried this morning when i heard the parents of an accused cried when pleading leniency for their son committed credit card theft.

i cried last fri when i was "accused" at work.

i cried when i watched movies.

i cried when i hear songs with touching lyrics.

and i cried this morning. only for a very short moment.

and i kept breathing deep, cos i know i look like a freak when i cry and he will not feel good if i cry for him too.

4.5 mths.

it'll be another 4.5 mths before he can step into our house again.

the poorest thing is tt poor little derder didnt know that the next time he can "feel" his daddy's touch will be after 4.5 mths, or even longer.

and yet, he still happily hops around the house playing with his toys.

how i wish i can be like him.

everything still goes on even when the sky falls and he will still think tt its just a blanket protecting him from the cold.

how i wish i can be like him.

eat, sleep, play, shit and eat, sleep, play, shit and then sleep again....

how i wish i can be like him.

cry when he is sad and laugh when he is happy.

how simple life is for him.

showered with love from everyone who sees him.

how i wish i can go back to when i am a baby.

can i be benjamin button? opps, btw, i cried watching benjamin button too.

白天与黑夜

矛盾。
白天时，我总喜欢把窗帘拉下，让光线找不到透入房间的隙缝。。
暗暗的房间，总让我有种活在自己世界里的感觉，不必在乎外面的世界发生什么事。
不管时间一分一秒地流逝，不管天气如何的变换。
下雨也好，闪电打雷也好。
我只活在自己的世界里。。。
今天也一样，一星期我总会试着抽出一天，属于自己的一天，把电话铃声关掉，沉浸在自己的梦幻世界里。
到了夜晚，我就会把灯给亮了。
开始变回普通人。
矛盾。
硬要把白天变成黑夜，然后又把黑夜变成白天；
人不就是这样吗？
得不到的往往都是最好的。而，握在手里的却常常被遗忘。
我要学着珍惜手里握着的幸福而不是望着那远处永远都得不到的幸福。。
知足才能常乐。。

EMO ALL OVER

Rashes

Whole body is red thanks to all the rashes. now my body can go in pair with my red phone. damnit.

W44

i love w44. colour of all time.

can i meet benjamin button?

山龟

i feel so much like a sua gu when i first changed to my current phone yday... I shouted out loud when i realised i can actually go to baidu.com to download mp3s! when back at home, after i connected to the internet using wifi, i got a shock too when i realised tt i can also watch youtube and even youku! Tt's really amazing can... If my bb-on mobile is of unlimited access, i will definitely go crazy!! Watch dramas on the bus.. Haha... I shud really say this fone is really a great buy. Btw, i'm using nokia e63...

When I Grow Up

when i was young, i was always hoping that i will grow up faster.

but as i was growing up, i kept praying that i will stop growing.

i hope that i won't outgrow the stage whereby i can take pocket money from my mum to go school and still go out and work part time for extra cash to spend.

but time waits for nobody.

in a blink of the eye, here i am.

24 yrs old, out in the society, carrying all (well, not all, but almost all) the family burden on my shoulders.

i should be proud that i am paying almost all the bills in the house (well, once in a while my dad helps with the utilities bills) but i am really having a hard time trying to pay all the bills.

now i know how tiring it is to be the sole bread winner.

and sometimes, it pinches my heart to see the hard earned money disappear in a click (well, i use internet banking to pay all my bills.)

Now, i even "UPGRADE" myself to become the owner of the flat that i lived in now.

Yesh. Besides paying for the monthly bills with COLD HARD CASH, i pay for my monthly flat loans with my CPF.. Well, i dunno what else do i have that i can pay for anything. is there still barter trade in this era???

Sometimes, i also dunno how i survived paying all the bills and still having to save some to spend on myself with my teeny weeny minute amount of salary.

When just when the going gets tough, the whole world's economy went down. And just when i started praying that i can hopefully get a good bonus and pay rise in July, i get "hints" to not expect any increment or bonus. WTF.

esp when i just applied for SIM's Mass Comm. degree course.

yes. that means i have another monthly installment to pay... the bank loan for the course fee...

and that's the cheapest course i can find. but still, its adds on to my already very heavy burden.

Any idea where can i go moonlighting? i really need extra cash!!!

汤圆节快乐。。

我终于吃到汤圆了。。冬至时没吃到汤圆。。终于给我在元宵节吃到它了！！

今天感触良多。。

家家有本难念的经。。在欢笑背后隐藏着多少眼泪。而在光鲜亮丽的外表后面又隐藏了多少不为人知的故事呢？

人人常说，幸福是靠自己争取的。但是，我觉得一个人的努力是不够的。

幸福不是自己开开心心过日子。而是看到身旁的人也开心。

我就是这样。所以每天都好像很开心。。 天塌下来也可以当被盖似的。。就是因为不想影响到身旁的人，让他们也和我一样不开心。。

但怎么身旁的人都不了解呢？

难道他们不知道他们的所作所为会影响到身旁的人吗？

神啊。。就救救我吧。。。

Who Are You???

Take the Quiz and Share Your Results!

Pressies, Pressies and More Pressies

i've been surrounded by pressies recently, be it shopping for pressies or receiving pressies. of cos, i prefer the latter. birthdays and more birthdays. am getting really paranoid abt birthdays... 2 more to come in the month of feb, after giving one one bday pressie today...

i loved the pressie that i got today. its nice. though the colours a bit loud and i tink its too ex. i wuldn't spend that kind of money buying that for myself. well, still have to say thanks to the person who bought it for me.. =) xiexie!

life has been getting a bit better. and i hope it can stay the same.

am still continuing to get ang baos. hopefully there are still somemore waiting for me.. cos... i am really darn broke. haven been so broke for a long time. overspent in 2008 and i gotta repay it all in 2009. that's wat they call retribution.

Not Enuff Rest

haven been resting enuff recently.
busy with work, family and a lot of other things...
workload to finish, family matters to stress, and a lot of tiny weenie things to attend.
at the same time, having to look energetic so that ppl won't start bombarding me with lots of questions.

alot of things happened in yr 2008. more things happened in yr 2009. But i hope the lunar 2009 will be better den the lunar 2008. cos i really had a very hard time in 2008.

been feeling uncomfy these few days. had a bad headache after lunch today. maybe its the scorching sun. so i posted in my FB status that i would like a panadol extra.

And...... TADA.....

someone saw my posting and went to buy and bring it up to my office for me... so touched. nvr expected it. nw i realised i actually do have a lot of caring friends. =) i immediately drowned 2 panadol extras down my throat and that made me so much better...

went st8 home at 615pm to rush for my reunion dinner. fell asleep on the bus from the moment i managed to secure a seat all the way till the bus interchange. Ppl must be thinking what the hell did that zha bor do all day that she is so damn tired to fall deep asleep at 6pm in the evening???

had a peaceful reunion dinner. no quarrels. think everyone is too tired to quarrel too. mum and bro been popping too many pills that i think they are too "seh" to talk.

though i dun like the fact, but sometimes i feel more at ease that way. at least nobody quarrels and creates trouble and i can finally get some peace out of it.

i'm tired. mentally and physically. hopefully lunar 2009 will be better. =)

till the next post, take care.

HALO。HALO。我在彩排，没有空接电话！

i wish i can drag this phone back! its so cute! the color very nice too. it'll be great if its a real one though and i suppose the whole building can hear ur phone ring if it really do!

LUCKY

Jason Mraz
LUCKY

Do you hear me,
I'm talking to you
Across the water across the deep blue ocean
Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying
Boy I hear you in my dreams
I feel your whisper across the sea
I keep you with me in my heart
You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Oooohhhhoohhhhohhooohhooohhooohoooh

They don't know how long it takes
Waiting for a love like this
Every time we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea
To an island where we'll meet
You'll hear the music, feel the air
I'll put a flower in your hair
Though the breezes through trees
Move so pretty you're all I see
As the world keeps spinning round
You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
I'm lucky we're in love in every way
Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed
Lucky to be coming home someday

Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
Ooooh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh


*no, i'm not in love, haha.. just find the lyrics and the song nice... cos everytime i post this kinda feel feel thingy, ppl will tink i in love*

2009 Proved Not To Be A Good Year For Me

i wished for a better year ahead.
but it din come true.
only a few days into the new year and all things worst come tearing my life apart.
my house is smashed. luckily my room is intact.
my bro is arrested (not for smashing the house, nobody can sue you for smashing ur own house). its for voluntarily causing hurt to public servant. gg to court early tmr morning and if there are no miracles, he will be gg to serve his sentence again. yesh, again. he has another court case on wed too. traffic offence.
hope everything will be fine and hopefully he'll make use of his time there to think through thoroughly and hopefully he'll understand that sometimes, it's better to give up den insisting on continuing when it causes hurt to all parties, whether involved or uninvolved parties.
i had the earliest reunion dinner(or should i say reunion supper?) ever.
god, please give him the strength and faith to go through everything and be a better person. maybe the psychiatrist will be able to help him. or a counselor. make him see the light and not walk in the dark alone anymore.
now that the new year is over, i can only hope for a better year of ox. the lunar year i mean. hopefully my wish can come true. sometimes. there's only one word to describe me: TIRED. not physically. mentally tired. but i guess my parents are more tired den me. sometimes i wonder how can they be so strong to withstand and go through all this without turning crazy. good night. i am gonna go try and sleep.